The advantages of being female, and my rebuttal
This was some joke email that circulated a few years back. My sister-out-law sent it to me, and I couldn’t just let it lie. I sent it back to her with the following amendments.
THE ADVANTAGES OF BEING FEMALE
and The Advantages of being Male
1. We got off the Titanic first.
The last things we saw before drowning were girls in wet blouses, and that ain’t a bad way to go.
2. We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
We can use “Yeah, but I got laid last night” as a perfectly acceptable excuse for being late for work.
3. We’ve never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.
5 words: Jessica Rabbit, Ariel, Lara Croft. ‘Nuff said.
4. Taxis stop for us.
We make more money than you do, so we can afford buy our own cars.
5. We don’t look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
Oh yes, some of you most certainly do.
6. No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival the The Speedo.
Umm, women wear Spandex too. And never, ever pick on a man’s Speedo.
7. We don’t have to fart to amuse ourselves.
We need only fart to amuse ourselves. Quick, simple, inexpensive, and infinitely renewable entertainment.
8. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
Not gonna touch that one. Well, except to say that even if we forget to shave, women will still sleep with us.
9. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her behind.
We get to congratulate our teammate by touching her behind.
10. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
If you had such wondrous appendages, you’d be protective too. Come to think of it, you do, though you only need to look down to verify their attendance.
11. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
We also have the ability to dress ourselves, just poorly.
12. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
We can get away with talking to people of the opposite sex while picturing them naked. It’s actually expected behavior.
13. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we’re aware that we look like an idiot.
If we get to marry someone 20 years younger, we’re aware that we look like an idiot, we just don’t care. We’re married to a teenage cheerleader for Pete’s sake. You’d do it too.
14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
We can actually eat said chocolate without our asses getting bigger.
15. We’ll never regret piercing our ears.
We’ll never regret piercing our labia.
16. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
Oh, you must be joking. No wonder I can’t get chicks!