Things you shouldn’t to say to a woman, exhibit (a)
The other day, Kimberly and I were having a “discussion” about household chores and responsibilities. She was voicing her opinions about the distribution of effort regarding dishes, garbage, and general housecleaning.
The issue at hand was that while I wasn’t working I was pretty on top of things, but after having worked a couple 50+hr weeks, things had fallen off a bit. Before you get all huffy at me, let me say that I agreed with her then, and still do. In my defense, 50 hours is roughly 30 hours more per week than I’ve worked in a long, long time, so my work:life balance has been a tad elusive.
Anyway, so there we were, “discussing.” I agreed that I need to be more proactive, and that I haven’t really been pulling my weight. I asked that she consider the temporary measure of if she notices that the garbage needs to be emptied, she simply say something. I mentioned that maybe, if she’s in the kitchen and notices that the dishes could use some attention, that she offer a nudge. I would then leap into action, and in my own time I’d realize that I need to get my crap together a bit faster. This, I suggested, would be much better for both of us than her being secretly raving pissed all the time. She responds with, “But I don’t want to have to ask you!”
In response to this I somehow found it a good idea to reply, “I don’t want to have to ask you to not be a crazy bitch, but I do.”
I remember that there was a pause.
I’m pretty sure that there were crickets.
Seasons came and went, each in their turn.
Flowers bloomed, wilted, died, and made way for more.
And then she started laughing.
I wasn’t sure at first whether it was a laugh laugh or a wow-are-you-gonna-die-in-your-sleep laugh. To be honest I’m still not. It really did have a scheming evil scientist quality to it. Or maybe like I’d just uttered some incantation to release some centuries-old evil upon the unsuspecting lands. Even now when I see her gazing off into the distance I find myself just a little afraid, and I suppose I always will.
March 1st, 2008 at 1:03 pm
I really liked the line, “I’m pretty sure that there were crickets.” Made me laugh my ass off. I absolutely know that feeling. There are times I wish I had a rewind button for my mouth.