Any bets that future restroom construction will feature stall walls that extend all the way to the floor?

They must really not like kids …

The other day, Kimberly and I were having a “discussion” about household chores and responsibilities. She was voicing her opinions about the distribution of effort regarding dishes, garbage, and general housecleaning.

The issue at hand was that while I wasn’t working I was pretty on top of things, but after having worked a couple 50+hr weeks, things had fallen off a bit. Before you get all huffy at me, let me say that I agreed with her then, and still do. In my defense, 50 hours is roughly 30 hours more per week than I’ve worked in a long, long time, so my work:life balance has been a tad elusive.

Anyway, so there we were, “discussing.” I agreed that I need to be more proactive, and that I haven’t really been pulling my weight. I asked that she consider the temporary measure of if she notices that the garbage needs to be emptied, she simply say something. I mentioned that maybe, if she’s in the kitchen and notices that the dishes could use some attention, that she offer a nudge. I would then leap into action, and in my own time I’d realize that I need to get my crap together a bit faster. This, I suggested, would be much better for both of us than her being secretly raving pissed all the time. She responds with, “But I don’t want to have to ask you!”

In response to this I somehow found it a good idea to reply, “I don’t want to have to ask you to not be a crazy bitch, but I do.”

I remember that there was a pause.

I’m pretty sure that there were crickets.

Seasons came and went, each in their turn.

Flowers bloomed, wilted, died, and made way for more.

And then she started laughing.

I wasn’t sure at first whether it was a laugh laugh or a wow-are-you-gonna-die-in-your-sleep laugh. To be honest I’m still not. It really did have a scheming evil scientist quality to it. Or maybe like I’d just uttered some incantation to release some centuries-old evil upon the unsuspecting lands. Even now when I see her gazing off into the distance I find myself just a little afraid, and I suppose I always will.

I got a lot of feedback about my previous list of search phrases, so here are some of the phrases that brought people to see me in August;

• office fish smell
• dishwasher fishy smell
• fish odor in bathroom
• fishy smell in bedroom after shower
• what causes fishy smells in bedroom
• why do i smell fishy
• fishy odor from penis
• penis with fishy smell
• fish shaped penis

I wish I could make this stuff up.

I’m hereby adding the words toe jam, ear wax, and armpit to my blog. Let’s see what September brings …

We’ve had this soap bottle in the kitchen forever, and today I had an idea …

If you don’t get it, head over to www.jonathancoulton.com, click on music, and give a listen to ‘I Crush Everything’. Yes, I’m a big dork.If you too are a big dork, you can get your very own full-size version here.

One feature offered by most web hosting services is the ability to see a list of words/phrases people searched on that ultimately brought them to your site.

According to my logs, in June of this year, someone searched on the phrase, “when i go over bumps i hear a thumping sound from my rear”. Apprently my site was presented as a possible match.

Other notable searches from the logs:

• what causes fishy smell from dishwashers
• fishy smell furnace ac
• troubleshoot whooshing water heater
• suicidal ideas faa (WTF??)
• is there an anonymous poll that would have a wife rate their husband vs a boy toy
• help i have a fishy smell coming from the wall between the bathroom and bedroom
• fishy lightbulb smell
• why do chink women were hoods when they get married
• 82% of women think they’re fat poll
• i heard a thump and my car will not go forward or backward (when did you last see the dog?)
• fishy penis
• feeling fishy at work
• my wiener (hope they found it)
• fingerpainting in the office
• smoke a joint the size of cleveland

and, of course,

• porn

I love the Internet.